Weathering the Storm

 The coming of winter fills me with trepidation.  Oh, I love the fall, the crisp blue skies, the smell of falling leaves, and pumpkin pies, but in the back of my mind is the niggling thought of the coming cold.   Like many people who suffer from Depression, the winter is a hard time of year.  Living north of the 49th parallel, winters are long, dark and cold.  I often liken myself to a bear, wanting to hibernate between November 1st to sometime in Mid-March or April.  (Sometimes later, depending on the year) However, as much as I might want to sleep the winter months away, having a three kids, a dog and an husband, prevent me from indulging in such behaviour.  The winter of 2011/2012 saw me in what a now realize was a depressed episode.  Long days spent in bed, no motivation, irritability, something I should have recognized easily.  Hindsight is always 20/20.   I was first diagnosed with Anxiety and Depression after my daughter was born in 2002.  Looking back on my life before that, I realize that there were several episodes during my teenage and college years that fit the model for depression. 

****Embarassing anicdote.  While blogging the above, there was a knock at the door revealing my son's therapist (that's a blog post for another day) who was here for a scheduled home visit.  I completely forgot!   Answering the door in my pajamas, the breakfast dishes still on the table, and the dog took the opportunity to poop in the living room.  AIIIIII!!!!  Could it have been any more awkward.  Thankfully, she's a wonderfully laidback and easy going individual.  Still not one of my finer moments.  End embarassing anicdote***

Anxiety and depression have rooted themselves genetically in my life, and like my mother before me, I have seemly passed those genes onto my daughter and son.  The good news is that at the tender ages of 10 and 5 respectively, they are receiving help and learning to manage their personal emotional rollercoasters.  My hope is that with a better understanding at a young age, they will never feel like they are misunderstood, hopeless, unnormal or without sanity. 

So with the coming autumn and winter months I've made a conscious decision to blog, art journal, and create a bucket list, to fight back the dark depression that usually overcomes me during the long winter days.  I'm hoping this will leave me more at peace and a little less wilted when spring rolls around. 

Cheers,
H.K. (Head Krazy)